Lost Transformers Episodes
Even Bandai has its bad days. During a short lived period in the mid 80s, Transformers were a booming product. This led Bandai, the then owner of the Transformer license, to develop dozens of POS ideas, each designed to lure in fans new and old alike. These were either never published or totally forgotten in the ocean that is time. On this page, I will show you some of the more interesting of these failed creations, and give all the respect that they deserve.
Transformers: The Sitcom (1982)
T:TS failed to live past its pilot episode, possibly due to poor time block placement. It premiered on CBS at 3 in the morning. Obviously, T:TS could in no way rival ABC's 3 AM Infomercial Power Hour, and was later canceled.
In this episode, Hot Rod and Blur decide they need to "chill" and decide to move to Bel Air, where they rent an apartment in hopes of becoming "tubular." Along the way, they meet up with two sexy ladies, Elita-One and an unknown hussy, and split the cost. They also meet up with Danny, the lovable paper boy, and Kup and Alpha Trion, as The Two Horny Old Guys. You can expect lots o' laffs when Blur gets himself cornered in a lesbian bar and Hot Rod spills coffee on the witty Mexican crimelord, Megatrono!
Bandai's Drugs and You (1983)
This after school special premiered on ABC following the ill fated Fun with Chevy Chase kiddie cartoon. Only one show was released, most likely due to the fact that guest host Barbara Walters refused to have anything to do with Bandai ever again.
Walters joins Optimus Prime as they travel schools, speaking to grade schoolers about drugs, sex, and violence. They teach moral lessons, with amusing skits featuring fellow Autobots and the crew from 20/20. Even the most inquisitive youngster will have all of his questions answered, from topics on peer pressure to the ever challenging-to-answer, "Which company creates the best action figures?" A few, obvious questions were planted in the audience, most coming from the ever-irritating Danny.
Transformers and Mow Bots Combine!!! (1983)
In this bizarre John Deere/Bandai infomercial, the Transformers crash land on an isle filled with tall, murderous grasses. Basically, more were not produced as the script quickly ran out of, well, gas.
This feature-length commercial began with the Autobots landing on Lawnicus, a hostile planet covered in carnivouous grass. While trying to escape, they stumble upon a cave filled with ever helpful natives: the John Deere Mow Bots! With incredible speed, power, and turning radius, the Autobots are saved. Grateful, the Autobots vow to only trim the Cybertronian lawns with the best quality lawnmowers. John Deere Lawnmowers.
Lustful Bots (1985)
Bandai hopes to capture other demographics with a low budget pornographic adult movie. It failed miserably, gaining only .05 M in revenue.
Lustful Bots is basically a series of closeups of cars in various factories. Robots must get turned on by this or something, but it's just too bizarre for the human mind to comprehend. Below are two photos of this travesty. Absolutely disgusting. Elita-One supposedly makes an appearance in the "Love Factory" scene. Quote, "I was young and I needed the money."
Transformers and Shaft (1981)
This show was the lovechild of Mr. Isaac Hayes, supposedly on some sort of controlled substance. When questioned by Rolling Stone, something was mumbled sounding remotely like "Transformer." Bandai took it from there.
Shaft and the Autobots must battle against the clock to prevent the nefarious Decepticons from kidnapping Sugar Bolts (Played by Elita-One). A surprise appearance by Morgan Freeman as Megatron's right-hand stud, is enjoyable, but frequent visits by Shaft's new informant Danny detracts from the overall quality of the title.
Transformers and MTV Rock-A-Thon (1987)
Once again, to attract the ever-waning teenage populous, Bandai joined forces with Viacom media to produce a show so indistinguishable bad, it could only be called one word: sucky. Notable only for its "funky" animation, the show was dead as soon as it hit the screen. Bummer, dude!
In the first and final episode, viewers listen to all of the hottest tunes, such as Salt n Pepa and the then-unknown Kris Kross. Sound Wave was on the boards, scrathin' like mad. With those "phat" rhymes coming from those stars, we couldn't blame Ultra Magnus for "getting down with his bad self" and "busting a move" Word up, kids! 'Bots in the house!
Transformers Hit Tokyo (1988)
In an effort to bring some educational titles to Bandai's lineup, they produced the Transformers Hit... series. Only "Tokyo" was released, as a wave of discontentment towards Bandai quickly made them rethink their marketing plan. The Japanese were apparently upset at the "complete disrespect towards their culture." For some bizarre reason, Bandai, a nearly totally Japanese company, used stereotypical Japanese in every scene. I guess they don't like being labeled as "ninjas and sushi munchers." It must have been a cultural misunderstanding.
The Autobots, while on a jaunt to one of Cybertron's moons, crash smack dab in the middle of Tokyo. Here, they learn illigitimate facts, such as sushi is actually japanese for "Urinal" and that Del Taco is a strong part of their national heritage. The only interesting part is when Autobot Sky Fire meets up with his long lost brother, the Valkyrie, star of the Macross series. Both get drunk on sake and start a brawl.